how could i ever know
10.06.2008
The thought has been haunting me since day one. Not once has it ever decided to just take a stroll, and walk out of my life, though i wish it would. This has been an ongoing, bleeding regret that steered my life into a whole new direction. And though I attempt to patch it up, band-aid, after band-aid, the bleeding continues to soak right through. So unstoppable.
Beginning each morning, I am reminded of this content that I could have been with if only I took that one opportunity. I am broken through these heartfelt-sung notes that keep the blood in me flowing. It keeps me going. Yet I am disrupted with reality that I am responsible for. I let fear be the factor. And this is what I pay for.
How do I fake passion? How do I fake a love for something? My love and passion for something greater reigns over any smear of incentive I thought I had. Any stupid, meaningless incentive.
I can't fake it! I can't lie to myself. This has never been anything I have loved.
But in a twisted sense...I'm doing it for you. I see your painful exhaustion. I see your worn out soul. I'm only in it because of you. Because its your time to rest now. You've done enough for me.
Then again, your love and support have never left me. I know for a fact that it's something you want me doing. You understand, you feel, you adapt to the happiness it brings me. The genuine happiness. And I ask you this one favour.
Give me another chance. Let me live my life doing something I have SO much passion for. It's where my heart has been. It's where my heart is. And it's where my heart will always be.
And as for now. All that remains is that one. bleeding. regret.
sincerely, Rm , 11:06 PM,
