two weeks from twenty
1.24.2010
ive had so much trouble finding my way there. when i get close --it disappears. if we can get there, we're gonna stay there. if it takes us miles --years! high on a mountain, lost on a sea. sooner or later ill find it. i have a picture of how it will be on the day i do. troubles will be through.
I remember a discussion with some old friends saying things like "I'm going to be twenty by the time the olympics gets here". Twenty. Quite old right? At that time, at least. And here I am...almost twenty and feeling younger than ever!
I slowly touched on the endless bucket list that awaits me. My ambitions. My goals. The places I want to set foot on. The things my heart sets out to do. I'm yearning to enrich myself in aray of all things beautiful. But know that I am not blind to the unfairness of life. Sometimes we have to see life's ugly side to fully appreciate goodness. Besides, everything happens for a reason in God's own opportune time.
My whole life is ahead of me. Yes, I have a bucket list (or a checklist, whatever you would like to call it). But let's face it! Nothings going to go according to my plan. Are you kidding me? Nothing is set stone. So as for now, being shy of twenty years, I'm going to be open. Specificically, to change.
I suppose it goes hand in hand with my previous post about risks. Take the risk and be open to whatever comes out of it. Although, I do take back what I said about fear. Life is scary. You just have to hold your breath, be brave, have faith, and know that every step you take has already been placed in God's little crafted scrapbook called Life.
This career I'm heading for is not a guarantee. Sure, it is not nursing, engineering, or accounting. It will not assure me an ongoing series of employment. OF COURSE it scares the shit out of me. But I am going to hold my breath. I am going to be brave, I am going to have faith, and trust that I'm on the path God's wants me to take. It's not going to be easy. There are no clear indications of direction. I do know that Life will eat me and spit me out into unfamiliarity, but I will take the challenge.
Hah. life.
I am two weeks from twenty.
And it's just the beginning!
sincerely, Rm , 9:29 PM,
